


I Can't Say Hello to You and Risk Another Goodbye

by Justaspnaddict



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Bandom, MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reminiscent Gerard, Reminiscent Gerard Way, Songfic, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 09:53:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justaspnaddict/pseuds/Justaspnaddict
Summary: Gerard reminisces on his past with Frank.





	I Can't Say Hello to You and Risk Another Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Well it took forever but here it is! Song is I Almost Do by Taylor Swift. Yeah I just heard it the other day and had the idea so...

_I bet this time of night you're still up._  

 

Frank always was a night owl. Finding peace in the world while most people were sleeping. He said that it felt like the world slowed down a little bit. For him it was a time of meditation. 

 

_I bet you're tired from a long hard week._

 

Frank continued to play shows all the time. Playing and singing. Working his ass off. Gerard tried to imagine still playing shows almost nightly but he couldn't. Of course he loved making and playing music. More than almost anything. But the energy a schedule like that required was astronomical. Gerard had to say he was impressed. 

_I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window. Looking out at the city._

Gerard recalled the last time he had been in Frank's apartment. Frank and Jamia had invited he and Lindsey over for dinner. It was small and fit Frank perfectly. Even though Jamia loved to decorate he could tell Frank had put his taste in. Toys littered the floor but it only felt homey. He noticed he still had a chair so he could look out. It had an amazing view. They had talked late into the night while the girls went out. Knowing they should talk. Gerard had to admit sitting with a warm cup in his hands while looking over the city was very sobering. Gerard could see him sitting there now. 

 

_And I bet sometimes you wonder about me._

Gerard's mind drifted to Frank often. He thought about what could've been a lot. He also just reminisced on their times together. He bet he crossed Frank's mind sometimes on those nights he sat in his chair. Maybe Jamia joined him. And maybe they loved each other enough to be able to talk about Gerard. 

 

_And I just want to tell you it takes everything in me not to call you._

 

Gerard always wanted to call Frank. If something good happened he wanted to call Frank. If something bad happened he wanted to call Frank. If he was bored, he wanted to call Frank. He just always wanted to talk to him, wanted to know what he thought. He used to be one of the only ones he could share anything with. But Gerard knew better. He picked up his phone but he never dialed the number. He knew he couldn't do that to himself. He couldn't do it to Lindsey, he couldn't do it to Frank. 

 

_And I wish I could run to you._

He wanted to wrap himself in in Frank a lot. Wanted a hug when he had a bad day. He wanted to reverse time sometimes. Just so he could relive a good day between them. 

 

_And I hope you know that everytime I don't I almost do, I almost do._

He hoped Frank knew he never wanted to hurt him. He just wanted to do what was best for Frank. Even if it meant ending it between them. He had known what he had to do. It was one of the hardest decisions. Sometimes he still wished he could call him and ask him to run away, but he didn't. He couldn't. 

 

_I bet you think I either moved on or hate you._

 

Gerard knew the full effect of what he had done. He wouldn't ever hear the end of it from Mikey. He knew he had wrecked Frank and he hated to think what Frank thought of him. Frank had probably never completely forgave him. When he married Lindsey it was a huge stab in the back. But he had to protect Frank. So he did what he had to. 

 

_Cause each time you reach out there's no reply._

 

Gerard denied most of Frank's calls. He wouldn't sugar coat it. He wanted to grow a new friendship but he couldn't trust himself not to hurt either of them. He knew that he couldn't give in. He knew he couldn't trust himself if he accepted the call. 

 

_I bet it never, ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye._

He couldn't build another relationship and have it crumble. He knew it probably had hurt Frank more than Gerard could imagine but it hadn't been easy for him either. He didn't want to have to say goodbye and then have to heal all over again. He couldnt do it to himself. And he _**wouldn't**_ do it to Frank again. 

 

_And I just want to tell you_

_It takes everything in me not to call you_

_And I wish I could run to you_

_And I hope you know that_

_Everytime I don't_

_I almost do, I almost do._

_It's probably better off this way  
_  
He knew that they were the way they were for a reason. The both had fulfilling lives with beautiful wives and children. He knew he had done the right thing.  
_  
And I confess, baby in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I'd want to try again with you.  
_  
Gerard dreamed about Frank too. He dreamed about their days on the road. He dreamed about the promises they had made. He also dreamed about a second chance to love him again. To be a better person for him. He dreamed about Frank wanting a life with him. _  
  
And I almost do.  
_  
And he wanted to try again. But he knew he couldn't. So he didn't. _  
  
And I just want to tell you  
It takes everything in me not to call you  
And I wish I could run to you  
And I hope you know that  
Everytime I don't  
I almost do, I almost do.  
  
I bet this time of night you're still up  
I bet you're tired from a long hard week  
I bet you're sittin' in your chair by the window  
Lookin out at the city  
  
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.  
_  
Gerard really hoped Frank still thought about him too _._  


 


End file.
